A Page From My Book Of Feelings

Hi old folks! I know!! I've been a very bad mother to my Blog, and have not taken care of it properly, and I'm very sorry about it! So this is the reason why, I'm posting this draft, which is very close to my heart, and means a lot to me! I had written it earlier but never posted it because it takes up a special place and whatever maybe the case, I just cannot let it go. Today, I am posting this as I feel that my readers do deserve a compensation for me not writing in such a long time!

    I still remember that afternoon, like it was just yesterday; 3 years ago, on the afternoon of 22nd June,2014, he called 19 times trying to say something, each time he fumbled on 'I'! I understood what he was trying to say, but purposefully, just to tease him; I kept asking him to practice whatever he had to say! He practiced and then finally, around 5:30 in the evening he confessed that he loved me, and asked whether I shared the same feelings for him! My answer was a clear yes! (I mean come on, think about it, he was, strike was, he is my best-est friend, he knows me in and out, he knows what fears are plaguing me, he knows what I am aspiring to be, in fact he knows everything about me, so why the hell not!!!!) Eventually, school started, we got into different sections, but still made it a point to hangout together! Everyday, after our school ended, we made it a point to meet each other near the play fields and talk and hang around, so that no one knew that we were sharing a very special relationship, a very sweet bond which was close to our hearts or maybe not! But I wouldn't spoil the whole story by dropping hints! As the time passed by, people came to know about us, and everyone had their own take on this! A week or three passed, and the date was....14th of July, the same year, when a girl, came up to me and said that my boyfriend was cheating on me! I did NOT believe her! I trusted  trust him way too much! Instead, what I did was, I screamed on that girl and stated that she was just jealous because I had such a caring boyfriend. After another class, another girl came up to me and said the same thing, I repeated my actions! Later during the day, a guy came up to me and said the same thing, this is when my trust was shaken, shaken just by a millimeter! I asked one of my boyfriend's and mine common friend to go and ask my boyfriend, "What these rumors were all about?" After the lunch-break this friend walks up to me and said, " He asked you not to believe on these rumors and has also asked you to meet him by your regular spot by the playground after school!" I agreed, and decided to apologize to him when we meet in person as I felt guilty for believing all the 'knuckle-heads' for once! I knew that my boyfriend was the best! After school, I went to our regular spot and waited for him, eventually my friends were getting late so they left. They asked me to come with them, but I was determined to talk to him; so I waited...Alone. After around 20 minutes, when I saw the whole school was getting empty and stranded, I thought that maybe he forgot that we planned to meet, or maybe something important came up so he had to leave.. or one of the possibilities could also be that he wasn't feeling well so he had to leave! It could be anything! So instead of jumping to conclusions, I walked out of the school and went back home. After reaching my 'Home Sweet Home' I freshened up and the first thing I did was to call him. I had made up my mind that I had to apologize and promise that I would never let any rumors of such sorts get in between us! After around 2 rings he answered the call , something seemed different, but I knew that I was overthinking! We talked about our day casually and that is when I thought that I should apologize but he said that he had to say something, something that according to him was the most important matter at hand and it couldn't wait, so I let him speak first! What he said took me completely off guard. He said that the rumors were true, he said that he was actually cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend. He said that he thought he would play along, but me being such a "GOOD" and "kind-hearted" person, he couldn't do it! He said that he was sorry and his conscience didn't allow him to break someone's heart whom he loved so much! He said that he couldn't see me upset and crying because of him so he thought it was better we just left what we had and end it all now, early than never! All this while, I couldn't believe him! I seriously thought this was one of his pranks and he was just fooling around me! Even though he had confessed it himself that he was double gaming it, I couldn't believe him! I could not imagine him doing that! My trust was so strong on him that even he couldn't shake it! After taking a minute or two, I realized that he was not joking and all that came out of my mouth was, "OKAY" . ' Okay' was all that I could say. I did not understand if I was supposed to cry over my broken trust, or be happy for saving my heart from critical damage! I didn't know how to react! Maybe I was too shocked at his confession or maybe I was too upset for trusting him so much. What I knew for sure was that, he had done the crime of cheating on me, but I did even a worse crime of trusting him so bad! Later, that day after dinner my sister asked me about what was up between me and my boyfriend! And people, guess what was my reply!! I replied that he was no longer my boyfriend, I said, " You mean my ex-boyfriend?" That was enough for my sister, she immediately took up the guardian angel's spot and started helping me out to get my mind clear. I told her the matter of affairs and her reply, even that took me by shock! She said that it takes a lot of guts to man up and tell a girl that you've cheated on her. That makes him a real man as cowards hide from the truth and he accepted it. He accepted his mistakes and tried to amend them. I listened to my sister, and that is when I realized that if two people can be friends after being lovers they tend to be the bestest friends! And I made sure that we are the bestest friends! I gave my 100% and the credit also goes to him! Even he gave his 100%. And today, we have reached a point where we share a great friendship!

   Somethings that I have never confessed to him was that, his actions did hurt. It did hurt that he cheated on me. It did hurt that he knew exactly what he was doing, but still he chose to do it! What hurt the most is that falling in love with you was so easy..but moving on is impossible! What huts the most is you never understood what I was thinking! What hurts the most is that you didn't fight for our friendship when it was on the verge of breaking! What hurts the most is that you're so important to me but I am not to you! What hurts the most is that we used to talk for hours everyday but now it's just a few minutes a day. We always used to want to be together, and now it seems that he is just to busy. I still remember the jokes, laughs and smiles we had shared, but I wonder it he knows remembers any of it. What hurts the most is that I couldn't confess all this when I could have done something about it. He knows that I still have a crush on him. A huge one! However hard I try to move on..doesn't happen! What happens instead is that I end up reading our old chats and smile like an idiot! But I am happy for one thing, It was better to get hurt by the truth than being comforted by a lie! And this is one of the reasons that I Love You! I want to go up to him and tell him, that,

I saw you.
I liked you.
I got you.
I loved you.
I lost you.
And..........
I. Miss. You.

I don't think I will get over it, but I will reach to a point where it matters less. But what hurts is that, I could never gather guts and say all this to his face, I could never confess this to him. He always tells me that he is not good for me, or that I should stay away from him because he cannot see me hurt, he loves to see me smile and he thinks that he has given me a lot of pain and if he stays around he will give me more pain. He is so stupid that he cannot even see, if he leaves me I will be even more hurt! In the future, which ever guy I meet, the guys has to accept the fact that I have someone else in my life, who takes up just 4 millimeters of space in my heart, and no one can take this space.

 Men will come and Men will go, But no one will be able to take his place that is in my heart's core! 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I think that is just the case. This year, after my exams, I will be moving into another city and I think this is the best way I could say everything before I leave. 

PS: I won't be revealing his name, because the last time when I revealed PD a whole lot of havoc was created!!! Anyways Cheerio!

PPS: Thank you for reading my blog! Your suggestions and comments are sincerely appreciated! Bye! 

    

The Little Piece Of Stone !

The wind whispers something into my ear, 

 And the stars speak about someone really dear,

The rain brings a message that is truly sincere, 

All this may surely sound highly austere,

But it means a lot to the piece of stone, in here.

The birds sing a very sweet song,

That promises a company for lifelong,

And I know they will always tag 'long,

'cause our bond is really very strong,

All this from the little piece of stone, to us which belongs.

Finally, now the moon has arrived,

With a gift of love that is so divine,

That means so much to my heart which is asinine,

Even if it may be of stone tis' mine,

But all these bright things changed it into so genuine,

Now the piece of stone is gold just because of the sweet little time.

PS: Please forgive me for the stupid ending as no awesome line,

        came to my mind!

                        Finally, I worked this poem out! It was so difficult. I mean Hats Off to the poets! I have an all new respect ignited in me for them. Anyways, getting back to my poem. Recently so many incidents occurred and they compelled me to compose a poem for my blog. ( At least we can say that my life is very happening!!) Such sweet incidents that the stupidest creature in  the world or rather in this context the little piece of stone changed into a gold!  I will write about those incidents someday when I have a good mug of coffee and am really high on caffeine. That would be the perfect day to write an intense blog! 

It also gives me immense happiness to see that people all over the world are reading my blog and are liking it. Well, it is natural for the writer to be on "ninth heaven" if his or her readers love the blog! So I would request all of you to publicize my blog if you like it because with " The Teenage Post" I wish to reach out to as many teens as I can!

But, hold on! It is not that I always get good comments and feedbacks, I also get negative comments and they are also accepted with a open heart. No Fouls! No Rules! But did you all notice something, I didn't stop after getting negative remarks I kept writing. Whatever happens why should I stop writing? When I write I am in another world where no one can stop me, no one can manipulate me, no one can abuse me, no one can catch me and I am not ready to give this world up just because of a negative comment! No I will not do that! People are different, Their tastes are different! Instead I will keep writing with you readers in my mind who like reading my blog, who comment on my blog, who motivate me to continue writing my blog! It doesn't matter what others think, What really matters is what you, yourself think! Ignore the rest (Well, not really)! Every time I start writing a blog I have just 3 things in my mind, firstly to drink some coffee then to ignore AND forget about all the negative comments or remarks and last but the most important to kick some ass (By my writing for sure!)!  Guys, all you have to do is to cheat on your fears, break up with your doubts, get engaged to you faith and lastly marry your dreams! And do all this by avoiding the negative remarks which hold you down. The people are mostly like crabs, If they see someone rising up the pull them down. So forget about these 'crabby'(crappy) people and keep moving on! Just keep one thing in mind! If you can't fly you have to run, if you can't run you have to jog, if you can't jog you have to walk, if you can' walk then crawl but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward, just like a shooting star that never waits for anything and in the end shines so bright that people ask it to fulfill their wishes! So many times I wish if I could live my life without making any wrong turns. In reality, a path like that doesn't exist! You fall. You get lost. You make mistakes but always get up and live! And as it is, an old saying does go on..."Life is like photography, You develop from the negatives."
   
       So all the teens out there, I have got one piece of advice for you!

 Dream big! 

Work hard!

Stay focused!

And,

Surround yourself with good people.

And, Trust me on one thing that worry and negativity are a complete misuse of your imagination! Keep moving on...because life is a beautiful journey and it shouldn't be wasted just because of any negatives!!! So tell yourself that, 

You Rock!

You Rule!

And LIVE LIFE YOUR STYLE!!! 

PPS: I am planning to do a viewers blog in which I will post your views on political issues so feel free to contact me! You can mail me at anushkatasgaonkar@gmail.com or else send a hangouts message or even DM me on Instagram or else the comments window is always open for you! 

PPPS: Please leave your comments and suggestions below. They are really appreciated! Thanks for reading this post! Bye!

  

  

   

 

Me and My Friends!!

I cannot believe it! It is August already and on top of all it is Friendship Day today! Oh god! My friend circle has seen a lot in just one year. From downs to extreme ups! I lost a great friend, made some new friends and made 4 best-est friends! Well, let me acknowledge these 4 friends.. Tanisha, ( the one with a bold and cool attitude, she is my "Max" from the international television series "2 Broke Girls"!!) Viraj, ( The one who makes me study and teaches me all the concepts that are out of my reach, he is surely my Dumbledore!!) Niharikaa,( What am I supposed to say about this girl ! She teases me like hell!! She is kinda like Tom, from the famous anime "Tom and Jerry" who irritates me or Jerry like nuts but is always standing beside !!!) Richa, ( She is someone who understands every bit of me and is never seen shouting or fighting, she is my Kevin, from Minions who controls my mood swings and always bears with me!!) and I'm the most silliest one, according to Viraj, like Rachel from the famous American Sitcom, "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" ! The one with less of brains, slightly neurotic and borderline egocentric !!
 
 
I was greatly doomed when I lost Miss.S and I was asked to wait with PD, I had nothing in me...I was all out of faith, cold and failed, bound and broken, my illusions never changed into something real, my perfect sky was torn!! That is when 4 crazy-est people on the earth ( My heart takes up the first position though!) supported me and tried to join all the broken pieces. And yes they were successful at it so far! They encourage me for everything. They know my weaknesses but show me my strengths; they feel my fears but fortify my faith, they see my anxieties but free my spirits, they recognize my disabilities bit emphasize the possibilities! They are the best and today I want to wish them a very Happy Friendship Day!! Not just them, I want to wish everyone a Happy Friendship Day because who have left me stranded on the island of " No Faith and Remorse" have surely taught me some lessons!

 This .gif will be understood by my friends very well!! Credits to my classmate and friend, Purab! The joke was very simple, " Butts!!"

         We share, We cry, We laugh, We fight..but together....under the same umbrella!! If people were rain, I was drizzle then they were Hurricane!! # LFA#JohnGreen

Laughing like nuts on the same joke again and again until our stomachs start hurting!!!

 I want to tell you all that, remember, if you fall, I will pick you up................After I finish............... LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





  

But truly from the bottom of my heart I promise you all that I will never forget our laughs, nor our jokes. I will never forget our smiles, nor our conversations. I will never forget our plans or tears, our memories or our experiences. And out of all I will never forget our Friendship! Promise me, that whatever happens you will help me keep my chin up (Like you always do), you will never apologize nor say thank you, and always help me realize that you all love me..that imperfect me, the confused me, the wrong me as that is what I am supposed to know and remember ( You guys know, how bad my trust issues are!)!!! Do you guys realize  that people have come and people have gone in my life like the waves of ocean but you all have stick-ed to me like an octopus on my face. I had put up walls around me to keep everyone out but you guys cared enough to break it with a bulldozer!! Well let me tell this to you that you are stupid, you are weird! Maybe, even I'm like that. I guess that is why we all are so perfect together!! Thanks for always being there for me. You are like stars to my night sky, peanut to my butter, glaze on my doughnut, Oreo to my milk, cheese to my macaroni and Best to my friend! I love you!! And if you ever, by chance, even for once, ask me how long I will be your friend my answer would be a plain, " I Don't Know!"  cause I really don't know which one is longer. FOREVER or ALWAYS!
          You guys care for me like my mom, scold me like my dad ( especially Tanisha!) tease me like a sister, irritate me like a brother ( especially Niharikaa), love me more than a a lover.. Hey! Did you notice, I made a mini family with you guys! Cheers!

" Sometimes Me think,'What is a Friend?' and then Me say ,' Friend is someone to share the last cookie with'"        - Cookie Monster

All the teens out there, I have got one piece of advice for you. Go out and hug all you friends! A warm hug and a bright smile says it all, and they speak better than cards, gifts, bands, etc. ! Go and tell your friends how much they mean to you because  now is the time, enjoy these little things in life...for one day you'll look back and realize that all these tiny things were so big!! So what you waiting for?? Go!! 

PS: Please leave your suggestions and comments below! They are seriously appreciated. Thanks for reading this post! Bye! 

My Heart! The Stupidest Creature In This World!

And..... I'm back!!! Oh wow! Finally the monsoons have arrived in India!! And here I am.. sitting in my balcony, enjoying the beautiful scene of the showers while writing a new post for my blog with a warm and frothy cup of coffee!! Well, our heart is so stupid. Isn't it? It finds happiness and warmth in all little things. It could be the first showers or the first date! It could be a cozy hug or a warm cup of coffee or as in my case all of these! Even when we grow old our heart tends to be childish! At least in my case it will always be infantile!! That is what my mom says that I will never grow up! And maybe I don't want to grow up! As a kid I always wanted to grow up fast ( We all wanted to!! : P ) and be like my parents; independent and capable of taking all their decisions. ( The most difficult decision that I made as a kid was to choose the color of the crayon and I wanted to take family decisions!! )  Our heart is so innocent. It falls in love so fast and then it heals itself so fast. Whatever may be the condition or the situation, however tired it may be with our problems but it never stops beating, it never leaves hope!


Another silly habit of our heart is to fall in love. And yes!! Even my crazy, stupid buddy, my heart fell in love! Oops! I am deviating from the topic!! ( No worries readers!! I will soon be writing a blog on love..Follow me to stay updated..and get to know my dream love story which has almost come true!!!)
Okay! So were where we?? Oh Yeah! MY HEART! So yes, my heart did fall in love and let us call my prince charming... PD. He is a very great person. He helps me, he considers me, to describe him I would like to quote Alexandra Bracken, " He is like a stallion. Wild and kicking on the outside, but heart as soft as satin inside...."  Though he teases me, though he fights with me, though I don't know what is in his mind, I still care for him. We were asked to wait and here I am, still. Waiting. I don't know where I stand with him. And I don't know what I mean to him now. All I know is that when I think of him, all I want to do is be with him. At times my heart just wants to go and hug him while sometimes it wants to go and ask what is wrong with him! Sometimes I want to go and shout at him and sometimes I just want to stab him!! People always ask if I still like him. Honestly, I don't really know. But there is something about him that I can't let go! He is not my boyfriend, but I love the way he smiles, I love his advice, I love the way he runs his fingers through his hair, his kindness, and the times when we laugh together. I guess, I fell in love with our friendship!  My heart is all messed and confused with PD, studies, peers, family, and my heart itself!! It is bad wiring maybe! People under estimate me, even PD does and my heart wants to punch them in the face. I have made this a promise to myself and my heart that even if I don't prove my parents wrong I will surely prove PD wrong. Sometimes, instead of words your actions are the best reply!  

 

I always have this dream. New Year's Eve, I'm in the the city of love with my love, on top of the Eiffel Tower and when the clock strikes midnight, the 'love of my life' kneels down with a ring and fireworks!!! But I know that this will always stay a dream. Actually all this is not even necessary. Finding a true love in life is all that matters, so it doesn't matter if your true love proposes to you on the Eiffel Tower or in the stables!! What matters is LOVE ! Apparently the question remains how do we know who is our true love?!? Well the answer is simple! When you wonder whether love is worth the fight and then you looked at him or her and are ready for a war!! Yes; when you get this feeling it is true love! My heart, sometimes is so confident about love and sometimes it is all out of faith. But my heart will go on and on....whatever the situation is it continues to be the stupidest creature in the world who still cares for PD even when he knows that it would never be the the same. Instead I would like to put it  in another way!!

"Why do I still care for you..? Why do I still wait for you..? When I know, it will never be the same..... Why do I still think of you..? Why do I still miss you..? Why do I still have feelings for you..? When I know, it will never be the same..... Why do I still think of you..? "

Maybe because my heart, the most stupidest creature has fallen for someone! I don't know what to do with this idiot, but however it may be it is mine! All the teens out there, I've got one piece of advice for you! Let your heart out! Let it be stupid! Let it breathe! And you never know, when your heart will take you on the top of the Eiffel Tower!! Enjoy! Cheers! And until  my next post, Live. Laugh. And keep falling in Love.
  
PS: Please leave your suggestions and comments below! They are seriously appreciated. Thanks for reading this post! Bye!